To My Son's Murderers
To Terrell and Nathan:
It's May 31, 2022. Do you remember every year what you were doing in the early morning hours of May 31? Do you wake up every morning at 4:30, reliving what you did? Are you haunted by it? Do you see two faces of young men who are bruised and bleeding with gashes and broken jaws - injuries caused by you? Do you see their fear, helplessness, resignation, and at the same time, resolve? Do you care that they realize they are going to die? Do you stop to think that they are human beings who want to spend their lives serving others? Do you hear their prayers to God to give them the strength they need to endure the pain you are inflicting and soon, the gunshots that will end their earthly lives? Do you care?
I hope you are haunted by their faces and by your actions because that would mean that your souls aren't dead. We don't want your souls to be dead. Brian and Aaron don't want your souls to be dead.
But they don't want you to sit in prison wasting your time either. They don't want you spending your time feeling sorry for yourselves - unless the sorrow comes from the horror you created. But if it comes from convincing yourselves that you are being treated badly - well then, there is only sympathy for you for thinking that way.
You are 41 and 42 years old now. Yes, you had terrible childhoods. Hearing about them added sorrow to the sorrow of what you did to Brian and Aaron. But you have had time to let God into your lives and heal those wounds - and to be transformed.
Are you transformed? We so want you to be.
Have you been using these 23 years - yes, 23 years - to make up for what you have done? Have you spent every day being helpful, kind, and loving to everyone who crosses your path? Have you told God every day that you are so sorry for taking two innocent human lives?
Or are you talking tough, acting tough, defending your actions, maybe even laughing and bragging about what you have done?
We don't know. We don't know because we haven't heard anything, nothing telling us you realize you did the worst thing anyone can do and you are sorry. And you deserve to be in prison for it.
We are hoping your hearts are turning to God. Hoping one day when you leave this earth God will welcome you into Heaven. There you will meet your true friends: Brian and Aaron. But that can only happen if you let it. God is waiting for you to turn to Him.
And so we spend time every day, 23 years later, the way we spent it in the summer of 1999 and every day since: praying for you.
And as for Brian and Aaron: they are praying for you, too.
Brian, I miss you. It has been so, so long and I miss you more, not less, each year. I wish you were here - I'm glad you are there.
I love you, Bri.
Brian Muha Foundation: Website